He Doesn't Love You Anymore
You start wondering what you did wrong, where you went wrong, what's wrong with you? Why does everyone leave or turn their back? How did it go from love to nothing? Was it even love? How can someone just switch off their feelings like that? Is there someone else? Maybe I'm just not good enough. Maybe I don't deserve to be loved.
We went through so much together. We were homeless when we first got together, we faced a huge amount of debt (his debt), we lost a pet, we struggled to get by on our incomes every single month, we fell out with a large amount of friends just by being together, we paid for our wedding ourselves with no financial help, we gave up smoking together, we bought a puppy and rescued an older dog together, we moved 450 miles together, then moved house another time.
You start realising all the knock on effects that this will have to your life - I have to move, where do I go? We won't be able to do these things together anymore, what do we do with furniture and finances? Will our dogs miss him? Will they know what's going on? Will our mutual friends want anything to do with me anymore? And there are so many practical things to sort out - changing my surname back to my maiden name on bank accounts, driving licence, passport, changing my signature, changing my next of kin at work, swapping the bills over to his account, changing my address on everything, changing our Facebook profile pictures and relationship status. What do we do with wedding rings and my engagement ring?
Everything has changed.
I feel like a failure. I'm not even 22 years old yet and I have been married and practically divorced already. Everyone told me that we were rushing things. Everyone told me it was a mistake and that I was too young. Everyone told me not to move 450 miles away with someone I barely knew. But I did it, for love. Guess they were all right.
You have this constant churning in your stomach, feeling sick, feeling lethargic with no energy to do the smallest of things. Emotionally drained. A headache from the lack of sleep and sore eyes from crying so much. No one can make you feel better, no one can say the right things. Everywhere you look there is happy couples. Plastered all over social media - "How amazing is my boyfriend / fiance / husband?!", walking down the street holding hands. Then the next stage is just feeling numb. Not wanting to do anything, not wanting to eat, not able to sleep, not feeling anything other than numb.
We had plans, we were trying to start a family. We had decided on baby names and we were actively trying to conceive. We were saving up money to put a deposit down on our own house, we had decided exactly what we wanted and where we were going to live. We talked about what breeds of dog we would have in the future, about where we wanted to go on holidays. Now all of that means nothing. It's all gone.
Once I got married, I thought that was it. I would never be single and alone again. I was set for life. But things change and people change. Sometimes people make mistakes that can't be forgiven. Sometimes people grow apart and just stop loving you. Now I have to pick myself up, focus on what is important right now - my dogs, finishing my degree and moving on with my life.
Sorry for the negative blog post, just needed to rant.
Sarah (aka. Pale Princess) x
We went through so much together. We were homeless when we first got together, we faced a huge amount of debt (his debt), we lost a pet, we struggled to get by on our incomes every single month, we fell out with a large amount of friends just by being together, we paid for our wedding ourselves with no financial help, we gave up smoking together, we bought a puppy and rescued an older dog together, we moved 450 miles together, then moved house another time.
You start realising all the knock on effects that this will have to your life - I have to move, where do I go? We won't be able to do these things together anymore, what do we do with furniture and finances? Will our dogs miss him? Will they know what's going on? Will our mutual friends want anything to do with me anymore? And there are so many practical things to sort out - changing my surname back to my maiden name on bank accounts, driving licence, passport, changing my signature, changing my next of kin at work, swapping the bills over to his account, changing my address on everything, changing our Facebook profile pictures and relationship status. What do we do with wedding rings and my engagement ring?
Everything has changed.
I feel like a failure. I'm not even 22 years old yet and I have been married and practically divorced already. Everyone told me that we were rushing things. Everyone told me it was a mistake and that I was too young. Everyone told me not to move 450 miles away with someone I barely knew. But I did it, for love. Guess they were all right.
You have this constant churning in your stomach, feeling sick, feeling lethargic with no energy to do the smallest of things. Emotionally drained. A headache from the lack of sleep and sore eyes from crying so much. No one can make you feel better, no one can say the right things. Everywhere you look there is happy couples. Plastered all over social media - "How amazing is my boyfriend / fiance / husband?!", walking down the street holding hands. Then the next stage is just feeling numb. Not wanting to do anything, not wanting to eat, not able to sleep, not feeling anything other than numb.
We had plans, we were trying to start a family. We had decided on baby names and we were actively trying to conceive. We were saving up money to put a deposit down on our own house, we had decided exactly what we wanted and where we were going to live. We talked about what breeds of dog we would have in the future, about where we wanted to go on holidays. Now all of that means nothing. It's all gone.
Once I got married, I thought that was it. I would never be single and alone again. I was set for life. But things change and people change. Sometimes people make mistakes that can't be forgiven. Sometimes people grow apart and just stop loving you. Now I have to pick myself up, focus on what is important right now - my dogs, finishing my degree and moving on with my life.
Sorry for the negative blog post, just needed to rant.
Sarah (aka. Pale Princess) x
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